I had my usual breakfast of cereal and banana. I can't help it. I know it isn't the "cleanest" food, but I loves me my cereal. I drive Brad nuts. At any given time I will have 5 or more open boxes of cereal. I like to rotate through them. None of them are the sugary crap either. I love a good Raisin Bran or Life or any variety of Cheerios or Shreddies. MMmmmmm....Shreddies. When I was pregnant with James and had the wicked bad morning/noon/night sickness all I could keep down was Shreddies. Unfortunately I no longer purchase Shreddies. You just can't have a bowl of them without 2 inches of brown sugar coating the top. Great. Now I want Shreddies. Since I've been learning a little more about nutrition I'm trying to get at least three food groups into each meal. So I usually try to have a glass of milk and either a banana or blueberries in with my cereal.
Lunch today was Cream of Mushroom soup, 7 soda crackers and milk. Dinner was chicken almondine and blanched green beans with lemon juice.
Then we went to my Mom and Dad's house. I knew going in I had 4 points left in my day. Good for me since it is Friday night tradition stemming back from when we used to visit my Grandmother on Friday nights that we have a "Friday Night Goodie". Today's was doughnuts from Tim Horton's. I really do not like doughnuts. Knowing this, can someone please explain to me why the fuck did I have 3? Yes. Three. Okay, okay, let me explain. It really was like a strategic move in chess. The first one I had I chose carefully and with much consideration. I had 4 points. I knew I still had earned exercise points to use and all of my 49 weekly "woo-hoo" points. My selection was an old fashion chocolate dip. Tasty and complimented my vanilla spiked black coffee. James' selection was a filled sprinkle doughnut. He ate about 2/3's of it and discovered, much to his dismay, it was filled with Strawberry Jam. Before I knew it and without any rational thinking at all, it was in my mouth. I am usually pretty good at not finishing food that James hasn't finished. I don't like other people's spit...even if they are from my own gene pool. From that point on it was like a wild beast took over my body and was playing mind control games in my head. I then ate another doughnut that I picked out all on my own (a double chocolate old fashion) and scoffed that down. Hey, I still had that coffee left. I accidently asked for a large, forgetting Tim's changed their cup sizes and ended up with the old extra large cup. James' next selection was a Boston Cream, fortunately he ate the whole thing...but then the little bugger also took a plain chocolate dip...and it sat on his plate for a good 30 minutes. So of course, after I changed Piper's bum, down on the floor, sitting next to that remaining 1/2 of the doughnut, again that wild beast took over and forced that damn thing down my throat. It wasn't me officer! Honest!!! It just jumped into my mouth. I was holding it for someone else. It isn't mine!
On the ride home I had time to ponder my actions and try and figure out where my head goes in these situations. Brad and I had a discussion the previous night about drinking and alcoholics. I forget how the conversation came up but he believes anyone who binge drinks is an alcoholic. I know when I drink, I only do so to get drunk, which, now that I have kids, let me tell you, really isn't often. At all...and remembering some of my hangovers, that isn't such a bad thing. Relating that to food, I do the same thing. If I'm going to be bad, I do it to be really bad. If I go over my points or have a bad day food wise, I then will eat anything and everything that I shouldn't that I can find. A perfect example of this was what I did at Christmas. I ate all kinds of baked goods, cookies, chocolates, cakes, breads, candy and chips. Anything I could find. To the point I gained 7 pounds in a short 2-3 weeks. I felt like a convict that had been in lock up for 25 years without knowing the pleasure of sex for that long....I needed it and as much of it as I could get because I didn't know when my next meal would be. I binged on food like there was no tomorrow. Which is what happened to me tonight with the doughnuts. I binged.
Great. I know this about myself now. So now what? First step? Admit to it and take ownership of my mistake. I was going to pretend this didn't happen. I was not going to share this shame with you. I wasn't even going to journal this horrible sin. But I did, I am. I want to be completely honest with you and in doing so...with myself. "Hi, my name is Kim and I am a binge eater".
Here's the ugly, ugly truth.
PointsPlus™ Tracker entries
Friday, January 27, 2012
| Morning | ||||||
| Life Cereal - Quick-added food |
3
| |||||
| 1 large banana(s) |
0
| |||||
| 2 cup(s) black coffee |
0
| |||||
| Subtotal | 3 | |||||
| Midday | ||||||
| 1 cup(s) canned cream of mushroom soup, made with whole milk |
6
| |||||
| 1 serving(s) 7 Saltines Salted |
2
| |||||
| 1 oz Cheddar or colby cheese |
3
| |||||
| 8 medium uncooked baby carrots |
0
| |||||
| 1 cup(s) low-fat milk |
3
| |||||
| Source Yogurt - Quick-added food |
1
| |||||
| Subtotal | 15 | |||||
| Evening | ||||||
| 1 cup(s) cooked green beans |
0
| |||||
| 1 Chicken Almondine |
8
| |||||
| Subtotal | 8 | |||||
| Anytime | ||||||
| 1/3 doughnut(s) Filled Donuts - Filled Donuts Strawberry (filled donut) |
2
| |||||
| 1/2 doughnut(s) Cake Donuts - Cake Donuts Chocolate Glazed (cake donut) |
3
| |||||
| 2 doughnut(s) Cake Donuts - Cake Donuts Old Fashion Plain (cake donut) |
15
| |||||
| Subtotal | 20 | |||||
| Food PointsPlus values total used | 46 | |||||
| Food PointsPlus values remaining | 0 | |||||
| Exercise | ||||||
| No entries for exercise. | ||||||
| Activity PointsPlus values earned | 0 | |||||
| Check off these important items daily: | ||||||
| ||||||
