*COUGH194.4COUGH*
I know I shouldn't be ashamed or embarrassed by this. It is just a number after all. A number I am not happy with none-the-less. I grew up as the chunky, unpopular, ugly red-headed kid with the 'fro, lost the weight, was happy with the way I looked, even if I didn't want to admit it. Now, I feel like I've come back full circle to that fat lonely kid again.
0.6 for first "official" Weight Watchers weigh in or not, I'm happy I rejoined. Going to the meetings help to give that added sense of accountability...and someone to help share my successes and failures with. I have always done better going to meetings than going it alone on line. I think for the next 20 weeks I will finally break over my weight slump and finally have the losses I was hoping for and expecting all along. I have an excellent handle on the program and have been getting in as much activity as I can, and am trying to find ways to include even more in my daily routines. It is hard when Brad is working shifts and taking care of the kids by myself but if this is something I want bad enough, I will find a way.
Today I feel ... yucky ...for lack of a better descriptor. I am feeling bloated and thought I had gone drastically over my points both yesterday and today so wasn't going to bother doing them, then realized those are exactly the behaviours that set me up for failure, so I went back and recorded it all. And you know what? Wasn't at all bad. In fact, with my earned activity points from my high intensity boot camp yesterday, I still come out ahead. I even still have one point leftover today. Looking at my food journal today, I didn't do so well getting in any vegetables or fruits and had a lot of carbs, which would probably account for why I am feeling so bloated. I also didn't drink enough water today. Only one crappy bottle of Dasani with lunch. I have a problem getting started drinking water. If I go for a run, I will drink it for the rest of the day. When I don't, it is hard to get that first bottle down. Without that first bottle I just can't be bothered. Will have a better plan for tomorrow.
At the meeting today I saw someone from my past. A past I had all but forgotten about, but played a major role in leading me to my current path in life, finding myself and beginning my Weight Watchers journey. I graduated college for something entirely different than what I am doing in my current career. In fact, I don't think what I graduated from could be further from my current job...other than they both deal with the handling and spending of money I never actually see. After graduation I got a job in my "chosen profession" and moved away from home at 23 to be closer to the city where the jobs where. Though I moved in with my, then, boyfriend and another male room-mate and had a dream job, I was so desperately unhappy. I didn't want to be so far away from my family and friends, I lost all three of my living grandmothers, and my dream job was a dream, just not my dream. I was so unhappy that thought I couldn't change my career or the path my life was taking so instead, I sought out to change who I was. My weight, at that time, had reached its all time high and when I joined Weight Watchers the first time, I was 182.2. The weight was slow to come off back then too, but at that time I knew I could do it and had to do it for my own peace of mind and happiness.
Turns out losing the weight (40.2 of it to be exact!) did more for me than just made me look at feel better about myself. It helped me to become more confident in who I was and in my decisions. I made up my mind to go back to school, move back to Hamilton, and do what I wanted to do with my life. Turns out, the contacts I made at the college I attended were solid and I made quite the impression on those I worked with. I was only in my new program for 8 weeks. I didn't even make it to mid-terms, before I found a "temporary" part-time job at the college. I haven't looked back since and the rest...as they say...is history.
So maybe, just maybe, this is why I am struggling so hard to lose the remaining 44 pounds this time around. This is the third time I've joined the program and have had a significant amount of weight to lose. This time around I am happy. All my complaining and bitching aside, I am happy. I have a loving husband, who I love (most of the time....give or take a few douchey moments of his), two beautiful children who I adore, a job I love (well...we'll see if that changes when I go back), a home that is our own and I get to make the decisions as to when I rip up a floor or two. I'm running and attending the most incredible exercise class. I have loving, concerned and supporting parents. I am living the life. Maybe my therapist was right. Maybe I'm okay just the way I am.....
.........though I could always be better.
Sweet dreams.
PointsPlus™ Tracker entries
Thursday, January 26, 2012
| Morning | |
| 1 large banana(s) |
0
|
| 1 serving(s) Kelloggs Special K |
2
|
| 2 cup(s) black coffee |
0
|
| Subtotal | 2 |
| Midday | |
| Weight Watchers Toasted Coconut Bar - Quick-added food |
2
|
| 1 serving(s) 6" Turkey Sub Subway |
7
|
| Subtotal | 9 |
| Evening | |
| 1 cup(s) cooked quinoa |
5
|
| 2/3 package(s) Instant, Mix-Ins Chocolate fudge instant pudding |
2
|
| 1 serving(s) Mealtyme White Bread |
4
|
| 3 Tbsp 95% fat free whipped topping |
1
|
| 1 Kim's Homemade Chili |
5
|
| Subtotal | 17 |
| Anytime | |
| 7 nut(s) almonds |
1
|
| Subtotal | 1 |
| Food PointsPlus values total used | 29 |
| Food PointsPlus values remaining | 1 |
| Exercise | |
| No entries for exercise. | |
| Activity PointsPlus values earned | 0 |
| Check off these important items daily: | |
And yesterday
PointsPlus™ Tracker entries
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
| Morning | ||||||
| 1 serving(s) Multigrain Cheerios |
3
| |||||
| 1 large banana(s) |
0
| |||||
| Subtotal | 3 | |||||
| Midday | ||||||
| 1 serving(s) Quaker Maple instant Oatmeal |
4
| |||||
| Hazelnut Flavour Shot Tim Hortons - Quick-added food |
0
| |||||
| 1 cup(s) black coffee |
0
| |||||
| 1 large fresh apple(s) |
0
| |||||
| 1 Kim's Homemade Chili |
5
| |||||
| Subtotal | 9 | |||||
| Evening | ||||||
| 1/3 package(s) Instant, Mix-Ins Chocolate fudge instant pudding |
1
| |||||
| 4 slice(s) mixed-grain bread |
7
| |||||
| 1 cup(s) low-fat milk |
3
| |||||
| 2 Kim's Homemade Chili |
9
| |||||
| Subtotal | 20 | |||||
| Anytime | ||||||
| No entries for this meal time. | ||||||
| Subtotal | 0 | |||||
| Food PointsPlus values total used | 32 | |||||
| Food PointsPlus values remaining | 0 | |||||
| Exercise | ||||||
| Bootcamp - Activity I created |
6
| |||||
| Activity PointsPlus values earned | 6 | |||||
| Check off these important items daily: | ||||||
| ||||||
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