Week 22 - The Date

October 27th. That is my day to count down to. Back to work. I have mix emotions about going back. I've grown accustomed to my current new life. Fairly routine. James is an easy going, happy-go-lucky baby. When I go back to work, life will become hectic and more stressful and busy. I'm not looking forward to the aspect of leaving my baby for the majority of the day.

I am looking forward to a more structured day. No pantry at my beck and call. No arrowroots handy and ready. I'm especially looking forward to getting back to the gym at lunch.

This week has gone okay. I've been tracking everything again. I may not be right within my daily point range but I am writing it all down. We've had two softball games this week. I only played one and a half. I got hit again at the Wednesday's game. Left leg, above my ankle. This time it throbs worse than the last time. I'm now scared poopless. I've mentioned before that I enjoy playing baseball. It is the only activity I do currently that makes me relax and feel like my old self again. When I'm playing, I'm not Brad's wife, I'm not James' Mommy. I'm just another player on the field. I enjoy pitching. I enjoy the stress and the pressure. All I have to do is concentrate on the ball hitting the board. I enjoy friendly banter with the other team's batters and joking with my own teammates. I love getting up to bat. I love the concentration it takes on hitting the ball and trying to out run the throw to first. I'm free when I play. Now I am terrified. I am happy to take a ball off the knee like the first time or the leg like this time. It stings at first, then throbs then the best part, turns purple and blue and brown and yellow. I'll proudly wear my bruises like badges. I'm not a girly-girl by any definition of the word. However...once I get hit on the leg, in my head, every other ball hit after that is coming straight for my head. I'm terrified of getting hit in the eye socket. Very specific I know. I was able to pitch a few innings after getting hit. Even take my turn at bat. By the second game of the double header Wednesday night, the anxiety had built up so big in my head that I finally broke down and cried. I can't not play. That isn't an option. However, where else can I play? Part of the problem was I had a massively bad headache before the game and all day before playing. I took migraine relief pills followed by an energy drink trying to get rid of the pain. My reflexes probably weren't what they should have been normally. It wasn't an especially fast line drive. I should have gotten the leather on it or been able to dodge it. Too slow pokey joe.

I got to get over my fears. As it is I'm going to get shin pads. What can I wear on my head that won't get in the way of fielding but will protect me in case my reflexes aren't there?

Tomorrow is weigh in. Wish me luck for that elusive 10%!