I have no motivation. I am bloated this week by three pounds. Scale at home is showing my weight at 177. Not fun. I am trying not to let it get me down but of course it is. I am convinced I am destined to have a "Mom Body" the rest of my life and will be relegated to "Mom Jeans" with the nice pouch in the front and the junk in the trunk. Well...okay, I like the junk in the trunk...but only when it stops doing jumping jacks within 15 seconds of me doing jumping jacks. Oh hell...who am I kidding?? I don't do jumping jacks!
I tried jumping jacks at aerobics on Monday and let us just say the bladder control isn't exactly up to par. Glad to share with you.
I'm trying to look within myself and determine if I have indeed given up. At least temporarily. I see my return to work in a few short months as another new beginning. The plan (HA! *) is to start right back up at the gym for three days a week on my lunch hour for the first month and then get back up to five days like I was before. I stopped going to the gym early on in my pregnancy unfortunately due to horrible morning sickness that lasted into my 6 month of being pregnant and by that time I was too fat to care.
* I say HA because so far any and all of my plans since becoming pregnant and having James haven't exactly panned out. The only thing I managed to do was continue to walk to work (for the most part) until I was 7 months. I planned on going to the gym throughout...didn't happen. I planned on walking daily with James while on Maternity leave. Clearly didn't happen. Why should this final plan go was I expect? And it is with THAT attitude I am setting myself up for failure.
Why is this so important to me? Why am I sabotaging myself when it is bringing me down and clearly the focus of my entire time off and sometimes gets in the way of enjoying my baby? Vanity. Selfishness. Conceitedness (is that a word?). At the risk of losing "friends" on Facebook (ha ha ha!) how do I word this? Facebook pushed me to work hard at my body before I got pregnant. In highschool I was a non-person. I honestly do not think people noticed me or knew who I was. I of course (like many girls 15-19) thought I was hideously overweight (looking back at pictures I wasn't). I wanted to at least maintain and tone my body so as each new friend I gained on Facebook from highschool would see me and think, damn, she looks good. It was for some reason important to me that I didn't have a Mom Body (at that point of course I didn't, I didn't have a child!) when so many of the others had (IMO...) "let themselves go". Now I am in that category. Then again, in college I was fat...which prompted me to join Weight Watchers in the first place. I was an odd kind of person in college. Didn't really want to be there. Wasn't allowed to go to the college or program I wanted and just sort of fell into where I was. My weight soared then too. When I am unhappy in my situation in life, I let things get away from me then I struggle back.
I tried jumping jacks at aerobics on Monday and let us just say the bladder control isn't exactly up to par. Glad to share with you.
I'm trying to look within myself and determine if I have indeed given up. At least temporarily. I see my return to work in a few short months as another new beginning. The plan (HA! *) is to start right back up at the gym for three days a week on my lunch hour for the first month and then get back up to five days like I was before. I stopped going to the gym early on in my pregnancy unfortunately due to horrible morning sickness that lasted into my 6 month of being pregnant and by that time I was too fat to care.
* I say HA because so far any and all of my plans since becoming pregnant and having James haven't exactly panned out. The only thing I managed to do was continue to walk to work (for the most part) until I was 7 months. I planned on going to the gym throughout...didn't happen. I planned on walking daily with James while on Maternity leave. Clearly didn't happen. Why should this final plan go was I expect? And it is with THAT attitude I am setting myself up for failure.
Why is this so important to me? Why am I sabotaging myself when it is bringing me down and clearly the focus of my entire time off and sometimes gets in the way of enjoying my baby? Vanity. Selfishness. Conceitedness (is that a word?). At the risk of losing "friends" on Facebook (ha ha ha!) how do I word this? Facebook pushed me to work hard at my body before I got pregnant. In highschool I was a non-person. I honestly do not think people noticed me or knew who I was. I of course (like many girls 15-19) thought I was hideously overweight (looking back at pictures I wasn't). I wanted to at least maintain and tone my body so as each new friend I gained on Facebook from highschool would see me and think, damn, she looks good. It was for some reason important to me that I didn't have a Mom Body (at that point of course I didn't, I didn't have a child!) when so many of the others had (IMO...) "let themselves go". Now I am in that category. Then again, in college I was fat...which prompted me to join Weight Watchers in the first place. I was an odd kind of person in college. Didn't really want to be there. Wasn't allowed to go to the college or program I wanted and just sort of fell into where I was. My weight soared then too. When I am unhappy in my situation in life, I let things get away from me then I struggle back.
I am living vicariously through two year old pictures of me on my profile and online photo albums. I am living a lie on line. I'm like a creepy on line dater who posts pictures of models to pass off as myself. I could post current pictures...I just don't have any. I haven't allowed many pictures of me with James. So if any of my close friends do have some or of me while pregnant, please send them my way. I would like to see them...if only to know that I have come a long way and really don't have far to go...it is just this elephant skin on my midsection that is going to be a bitch to tame.
Vanity be thy name.
Here's James and I now...self portraits...no body shots ;)
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