Riddle me this...
How is it that I can feel guilty that I haven't taken James out for as many walks as I intended yet when I do take him for a walk I feel guilty that he's spent that much time in the stroller?
That is time he could be playing and learning. I intentionally took him during his nap time thinking (like when he was little) he'd fall asleep on our walk. No dice. He was alert and looking all around. Talking and cooing. He finished off his juice (it was a heck of a lot hotter than I thought it was outside). We stopped at a park and played on the swings which, he loved. It was a nice long 90 minute walk. Good for us both I suppose. Now I just have to stop feeling guilty about every little thing I do with him!!
Part of my insecurity and stress comes with feeding him. And oddly, I think it has a lot to do with my self image and eating issues. I know that if I'm not careful, my weight will get way out of control. That is the reason I joined Weight Watchers the first time at 21. I saw my weight sky rocketing and I wanted to put a stop to it and reverse it before it got too bad. Even now. As lackadaisical (is that how you spell it?) as I am following the program, at least my weight isn't getting worse than it is. With that in mind and all the studies pointing to obese children, I do not want that for my son. I've got weight issues, his Father is a big man, I want James to be a happy, confident healthy little boy. Isn't that what all Mothers want for their babies? But...how do I do that? I'm still feeding James baby foods...we seem stuck at foods for 6 month olds. He won't eat the junior food. I've read somewhere that babies don't like tasting too many things at once and they are better off eating people food separately. I would like to move away from the baby food and jars (it is getting darn expensive) but Brad and I don't exactly eat the healthiest. To feed James properly and to lay good food and healthy foundations in him, Brad and I are going to have to change our lifestyle. I'm already trying to get away from processed food and too many carbs and foods out of boxes. This means I am at a loss when it comes to eating and feeding my baby.
It means I am going to have to plan meals in advance...have food (fresh foods) in the house and available to eat and cook with. I've never been very good at planning meals in advance. They recommend it for Weight Watchers and I know it'll help me to lose weight quicker...I just can't seem to get my head around it all. So instead of figuring out dinner and doing the right thing, I get frustrated, give up and we end up eating out of a box. ARUGH!
I have fed James a few things here and there. When he isn't napping, which usually falls around our dinner time, I give him what I think are "healthy" things for him to eat...homemade baked french fries, chicken, roast beef, vegetables.
It is a struggle and just one more thing I'm going to have to figure out for the health of my family, myself and most importantly my baby. This is when it matters most. Teaching him skills that he will use for the rest of his life and it scares me shitless.
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