Breathe in. Breathe out. Now silently scream inside your head. Scream even though you knew what the out come would be. Scream and criticize yourself because there was probably something else you could have done. Should have done. Lied to yourself about somewhere along the way. Didn't push yourself hard enough. Took the easy way out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Now...let. It. Go. Poof.
Negative thoughts. Always negative thoughts first. Today was weigh in day for both Weight Watchers and for the Biggest Loser Challenge. I got to watch my weight rise and feel like a big loser! Wooo! This week I thought I did pretty well. I made some food choices I normally wouldn't make. Tried to think outside the box and make the best of what I had on hand in the house already to make due until grocery day (and payday) Friday. I made sure that every day I had scheduled a little red "R" on my calendar, I got my ass out the door. Sure I had some slip ups along the way, but as far as Weight Watchers was concerned, I wrote down everything I ate. Everything.
So what happened? How did I manage to gain 0.6 pounds this week? I don't know. It is a mystery. “Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.” - Dr, Seuss. In other words. Shit happens, learn from it and move on. Sure, I"m taking it out of context, but for my purposes, it fits. Maybe it should read more like: "Don't cry, because it is over. Smile because it happened". Yeah, I gained. I was really hoping to do well my first week of this challenge. But to quote another create "creator" "You can't always get what you want"...but I may just get what I need...in this case, the kick in the ass and the extra motivation I need to make me even more determined, more stubborn and more on target than last week. Ha. That is me. Taking a negative and turning it into a positive.
Trina was great though. I think she really knew how hard the gain hit me even though I (think) I maintained a brave exterior and didn't show how badly it effected me. She gave me the pep talk I needed to hear. Sometimes I get caught up trying to be the best I can be and if I don't see the results, I pretty much give up. I am hard on myself. Extremely hard on myself. I hate to fail and I hate not seeing results and giving anything less than my best. Because of which, I think I often underestimate myself. Must stop that. I will do better. I will get through this. And, more importantly I think, once I get there, I WILL be happy with myself and what I have achieved. I will quit trying to reach for perfection, because that is the one sure way to ensure a failure.
However, as much of a perfectionist as I am, I am still looking for that one thing that I can be happy with, be proud of and flaunt. And it ain't NEVER going to be my butt or thighs...sorry Trina!
“Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.”
K
PointsPlus™ Tracker entries
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Morning
1 serving(s) Life Cereal 3 - can't give up my cereal. Too quick and easy in the morning and I LOVE cereal. Will try to find a better kind of cereal though.
1 large banana(s) 0
Subtotal 3
Midday
1 serving(s) Tim Horton's Chicken Ranch Wrap 5 - it was a whole wheat tortilla. My parents bought it for me and I couldn't say no. They had it ready and waiting for me when I picked up James after bootcamp.
1 cup(s) black coffee 0
Subtotal 5
Evening
4 oz cooked pork loin, lean and fat 7 - will break out the food scale again for exact portion sizes.
1/2 cup(s) instant brown rice 5
1/2 zucchini 0
1 cup(s) spinach 0
1 serving(s) Sub dried tomato dressing 1 - am out of olive oil, could not make my own. Measured out actual serving size as per packaging.
Subtotal 13
Anytime
10 item(s) baby carrots 0
1 large banana(s) 0
Homemade Date Loaf - 3 - I love to bake...and I needed the date loaf to help out until I am able to get to grocery store and purchase chia and flax seeds. Don't ask. ;)
Subtotal 3
Food PointsPlus values total used 24
Food PointsPlus values remaining 6
Exercise
Bootcamp - 4
Activity PointsPlus values earned 4
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