I'M BACK!

Trying to find time for life, let alone blogging has been quite the challenge lately. If it isn't one thing it is another. I don't know what I was expecting life would be like once I got back to work but this certainly wasn't it. I've always been a selfish person and I value my private, alone time and am protective of it. Those of you who have kids, are laughing right now. Welcome to my reality check.

I think my inability to lose weight right now is me rebelling against myself. My weight hasn't changed since July. Sure I have weeks of losses and weeks of gains. I'm holding fast and steady right between 172-174. Playing with the same 2 pounds. It is rather frusturating. Even more so because I know what I am doing wrong. I'll be perfect with Weight Watchers Monday to Friday. As soon as the weekend comes, my old mentality of I can eat what ever I want (which used to be the case) comes back and I ruin all my hard work of the past week in two quick little days. I'm really good at maintaining apparently. It has been quite the while since I've actually had to lose weight.

I'm hoping getting back into blogging and journalling daily will help. Right now I'm focusing on getting back into a gym routine. Even there I'm sabatoging myself. I keep saying my 25 minutes a day at the gym isn't worth it because really...what is 25 minutes of fat burning cardio anyway? I miss walking to work. That was an automatic 2 extra points a day right there...and kept my problem areas of butt and thighs in respectable shape.

I've got to do this for me. How though when I'm the last person on my mind?

Today's menu looks something a little like this:

Breakfast
1c Cheerios
Breakfast Pita
Black Coffee

Snack
Fiber One Bar

Lunch
Healthy Request Chicken and Rice Soup Bowl
Yogurt
Diet Coke

Dinner
Sheppard's Pie (with celery and peas and carrots)

I know, where's the fresh food? Where's the fruit and vegetable servings? You'd think because I'm so concerned with what James' is eating it would make my job at Weight Watchers easier because that's how we all should be eating right? Wrong. I don't know how to cook. I never know what to make. I start the week with the best intentions of making a meal plan for the week...I'll sit with my cook books, say "can't make that, don't have that..." get frusturated and give up.

Anyone know of a good professional organizer?

Week 3 - back at work

Only made it to the gym twice this week unfortunately. Well...three times if you include my aerobics class on Monday. I was ready and more than willing to go today on my lunch, however I forgot my pass card. No card. No go.

My aerobics class has a new instructor, whom I dislike right now. I can't hold it against her, she's just not what I'm used to. In all honestly, she's probably exactly what my aerobic routine needs, a little shake up. She moves at a quicker pace than the class is normally used to. It'll be a push to try and keep up with her. It will mean I'll be back to tripping over my feet again, but hey, that just makes it all the more fun.

I'm getting frustrated with myself on my lunch hour work outs. It seems to me that I was able to accomplish more before. I'm not a patient person. I realize realistically I'm not in the same cardiovascular shape I was before I was pregnant and shouldn't expect to be right back were I was before all this. I know this...I just don't want to accept it. I expect the best from myself at all times and if I can't give my best I get annoyed. Maybe changing my thinking is in order. I'm doing the best I can...for now. It'll come. Just like with my job. It is all slowly coming back to me...all good things come to those who wait. I'm just not helping matters forgetting my card!!!

I'm really missing my walk in the morning. I believe that was a huge factor in my staying in shape. It also means that instead of 70-80 minutes of activity a day, I now only get 20-30. Instead of a basically automatic 2 activity points a day with the walk, and my time at the gym for a total of 4 a day, I'll only get 2. Walking was a great way to keep my butt, thighs and calves in shape. I mourn my morning walks.

At the Weight Watchers meeting on my lunch hour on Wednesday, I was a little discouraged. I knew what the results would be before I weighed in. I did lose. I only lost 0.4 however. I have got to get my weekends under control is I have any hope of losing this weight. Otherwise, I'll just be maintaining and I will not be happy with myself if that scale doesn't move.

I'd like to think this week is going well food wise. I've kept up my journal, even recorded the slip ups (there was a run-in with some Dill Pickle popcorn from Kernels Wednesday night when Brad had to unexpectedly leave the house and I had some points left over...). Last night there was a celebratory dinner at a buffet restaurant (I hate hate hate buffets, as should any self-respecting Weight Watchers member). I think I did well there. Had the soup and salad. Had only small portions of the three things I love (most of the time I can take or leave Chinese food) but blew it with three of those tasty tasty honey twist cookies. But, I recorded it all and tried to estimate my points as accurately as I could.

The weekend looms ahead of me. I have the determination this week to do better and hope for better results on Wednesday.

Till then....

K

No Rest yadda yadda yadda

I think I've got my poop together...er...now I just have to work on the language issue. This past summer the only time I was able to have adult conversations without little ears around was on the baseball bench...so now I'm swearing like a sailor...tee hee!

Last week I managed to go to the gym three times. Wednesday I didn't go because I attended a Weight Watchers meeting instead. Friday I didn't go because I went shopping instead. Decided I needed to buy some new clothes in a size that will fit me now. I'm not too devastated by doing that though. The tops I bought are medium (same as always) and the pants are an 11 (a little big actually but they didn't have a 10). Not too far away from my previous seemingly impossible to achieve 8's. I'm a happy girl!

Eating is coming easier too being away from home. I can only eat what I bring to work with me. I've started eating frozen entrees (yes Pam, I know...sodium!) for lunch since they are portion controlled and easy to figure out point values. Still need to work on dinners. It isn't so much what we are eating as me controlling the portion sizes, so nothing has changed there.

Today is Monday...this past weekend didn't go so well. We ate out (or ordered delivery) three times. I didn't order a side salad instead of fries at Swiss Chalet Friday night. McDonald's for lunch on Saturday I did have a Thai Chicken Salad (okay, not bad...grilled chicken 7 points) and well...we won't discuss the pizza, garlic bread and wings Sunday night. I have no will power. NONE! AUGH! On going struggle in that regard. Working on it. Weekends are a whole different animal now that I am back at work. I worked like a fiend on the housework Saturday. Sunday we did some running around that needed done that we couldn't do during the week. Hopefully as we figure out a routine there will be less eating out and more cooking.

I didn't get to the gym today on my lunch (obvious since I'm sitting here writing this now). Got half way there and realized I forgot my gym card...so I will be going Tuesday, Thursday and Friday this week. Besides, I have aerobics tonight and Zumba Wednesday...all bases are covered.

Weigh in is in two days. Hopefully I'll still be able to lose considering I've at the very least upped my activity....if not, I'll know why and hopefully that'll be the kick in the ass I need on weekends.

A Whole New World

The day came. There was nothing I could do about it. I have now been back at work for a whole week as of yesterday. I am getting frustrated that it all isn't coming back to me right away. It bothers me that I forget how to do things and am making mistakes on things I thought I remembered how to do and then have to find out, I should have asked for help after all. The woman who covered for me did an amazing job. I have no complaints. Most of my frustrations is just not in knowing the back stories and where things are. Simple things. Hopefully as the days go on, I'll get good at my job again...managing the phone calls, in-person visits and the e-mails along with the paper work. There is a fine art to juggling your time management and it is something I haven't had to do in a while.

The hard work starts now. I've joined the at work Weight Watchers meeting. I'll be honest. I haven't been to a meeting since October 3rd. As soon as October hit, depression and the realization of going back to work hit me hard. I couldn't care less about how I looked or what I was eating. I didn't want to get up early on Saturday for an 8:00 meeting. At work, I can go on my lunch hour and remain accountable. I'm excited about it! Yesterday was my first meeting and I'm happy to say that even though I haven't followed the program or really made the best food choices in a month, I'd only gained 1.8.

I've been back to the gym twice. I gave myself the first four days back off from the gym. Didn't want to pile it all back into my life all at once. I started back this past Monday. 15 minutes elliptical and 10 minutes on the stationary bike. Wasn't bad. In fact, I think I could have done more had time allowed. Hopefully 25 minutes a day will be enough. I used to walk to work (which I'm really missing) and walking was a great way to keep the backside and hips in shape.

OH! Speaking of hips...I've lost an inch off of 'em! 39" now! I credit that to Zumba. I feel silly and can't bring myself to stand in front of the full length mirror during class...but I go. And it apparently works...and quickly! Who knew moving your hips and dancing with out the help of a security beer would actually help to lose weight?

27 Days

The count down is on. And after a long break from blogging and obsessing over my weight. I'm back on the wagon. It was a long run. Since my last blog I've only lost 2 pounds. I'm okay with that. It was a long summer and fall is now here. It is almost time for me to go back to work.

I'm looking forward to my return to work for some reasons. First and foremost, the opportunity to use my brain again. Having a more structured day. Not as easily accessable to the kitchen. Being able to get back to the gym during my lunch hours and of course, adult interaction. I am not looking forward to leaving the new life I have carved out for my little family. Seeing James grow up has been the best thing to date in my life. I will miss being able to hug him and kiss him all day long. I'll miss playing with him and seeing him smile and hearing him laugh. I know he'll be in good hands at my parents' house and he loves his grandparents to bits. Even though they are my parents it is still like handing him over to someone else to raise. This part of being a working parent sucks. And I've hidden from the world because of it. Not answering my e-mails. Not wanting to leave the house other than with my family. I'll get over it. I just take some time to adjust to change. Who knows. I may enjoy my newer new life just as much if not more.

Developments on the weight loss side? I'm able to wear a pair of my pre-pregnancy dress pants (still a little tight around the butt and thigh area...always been the "problem zone") and have two pairs of pre-pregnacy casual pants (a pair of cords and a pair of jeans) that get easier and more comfortable to wear each week...both a size 9. That's exciting.

Haven't been exercising this summer much at all. Aerobics ended way back in June or July...and do not start again until mid October. Last night however was my first Zumba class and OH MY GOD! What fun! I have no rhythm and these hips don't talk much but it is worth it. Can't wait to do it again. Zumba may be the latest "fab" but this is one fad I can get on to!

I've been going to Weight Watchers meetings every Saturday morning. These last 25 pounds are going to be a bitch...but should be a heck of a lot easier once I'm back to work.

Week 23 - Reality Check

Another successful day on program. I actually used my scale to measure and check the point value of the pork chop that I had for dinner. Turns out it was a good thing I did. Darn thing was 8 points...AFTER I took about an ounce off to give to James. My husband is a meat man. He loves his meat. The bigger the slab, the better. Don't get me wrong. I love myself the occasional pork butt (not too keen on the red meat thing) however, it is time to get real about portion size. Normally I would have given the chop a point value of 5 and not think twice about it. Just goes to show you the importance of actually stopping to measure and weigh what it is you are eating. Goes along with the whole lying to yourself thing. You can only lie for so long then be confused and fusturated as to why the weight isn't coming off. Reality check time for me.

On that quick note James is stirring. I think we'll go for a walk. It is a beautiful day...plus baseball night! Pray once again to the baseball gods I don't get hit in the face.

1c Shreddies 3
1/2c Blueberries
Black Coffee (x3 or 6) 0
1c Fresh Cherries 1

1 slice Weight Watchers recipe Banana Bread 2

2 slices Whole Wheat Bread 2
3 slices Turkey Deli Meat 2
1 slice Kraft FF single 1
Mustard 0
2 Silhouette Yogurts 1.5
24oz Crystal Light

Pork Chop 8
1c Frozen Peas and Carrots (BLUCH) 0
1 Smile Fry 1
Diet Pepsi Max 0

Week 23 - Combating Laziness

Had an "A-HA" moment yesterday. Tracking points isn't hard. It just takes a teeny tiny bit of effort and planning on my part. I think I was expecting whatever I was eating to just keep track of itself and at the end of the day everything would magically adjust to fit within my daily point range. News Flash there Kim. It doesn't.

I have to be the one and only one to be accountable for myself. Sure I can lie to myself about portion sizes but the scale is a lie detector test. It won't lie for me. Yesterday I managed to stay within my points. There was a minor incident with some ice cream. I said no to a bowl full then ended up in the kitchen while Brad with in the shower with a spoon and peanut butter chocolate ice cream melting on my tongue.

Another realization is no one is perfect. In my head I picture everyone as perfect. I picture everyone better than me. A group of friends e-mail each other to keep each other in check. We had all gotten off track and the e-mails stopped for a while and they've just recently started up again. I need them to see that I am not the only one who has some slips here and there. Those slips do not mean the rest of my week is screwed. It means the next day I start over again. I need to see that. I hate feeling like everyone is better at this than me. We're all in this together. Once I realize this isn't a race and there is no prize at the end other than a longer, healthier lifestyle...I'll be alright.

This morning I baked banana loaf. It was a Weight Watchers recipe which means to the normal person it is going to taste like poop. To me it is a reasonable facsimile. Now the trick is to only have one PORTION SIZED piece a day. Then again...2 points per PORTION SIZED slice isn't bad. Wish me luck! I love baking...I just HATE HATE HATE having it in the house. Ask me about my chocolate chip mint cookies. I ended up bribing an umpire with some of those!

Yesterday:

3/4c Life Cereal 2
1/2 Banana 2
Black Coffee 0

1c Fresh Cherries 1

2 slices Whole Wheat Bread 2
3 slices Deli Turkey Breast meat 2
1oz Havarti cheese 3
2 Silhouette Yogurts 1.5
24oz Crystal Light 0

3oz Boneless skinless chicken breast 4
1c Roasted Potato 3
Frozen Broccoli Cauliflower mix 0
1c 1% Milk 2

Used 23.5