Week 10 - It's the End of the World As I Know it

That's right it starts with an earthquake, birds, snakes and aeroplanes. Lenny Bruce is not afraid.


Last night as I turned off my lamp I found myself smiling waiting to fall asleep. My entire life I have wanted to be in another place and space in my life. When I was 13, I wanted to be 18. When I was 18 I wanted to be 21. When I was 28, I wanted to be 25. Now at 30, there is no other place I want to be. It is an odd feeling. Not wanting to be any younger. Certainly not wanting to be any older. Just content being right where I am. I have a husband whom I love very much. I have an adorable, incredibly good baby. I own my own home and have a good job that if I were being completely honest with myself, I actually love doing. I have my health. I love my family and friends. There is no other place in the world I'd rather be right now. *GASP* I think I may just be happy. Huh. So this is what it feels like. So then since I'm feeling this way why oh WHY do I keep killing off the entire human race in my dreams at least once a week?

Bare with me as we go a little bit into my psyche. For longer than I can remember (I'd say at least the past two years) I have been having reoccurring nightmares. Some of which can probably be attributed to my husband and I passion for horror movies. Zombie infestations take over the world. I some how survive the initial outbreak only to try and make it through to the next day. I often find myself battling one on one with a Zombie in my dreams. Sometimes I will hide from them in various familiar settings, all from my current life or childhood. In each though, I do live. Often though, alone and separated from those that I love.

I fully believe dreams are our unconscious selves trying to tell us something. So then:

"End of the Word: Not predictive of the actual end of the world nor of death. Dreams that the end of the world is coming/occurring usually signify a momentous change taking place within. They are dramatic/emotional. Often dreamed of by seriously ill people and by uprooted refugees or others forced to make extensive life changes. They may indicate the end of one kind of lifestyle and the beginning of another."

Huh. After James was first born I had a mourning period of a few weeks when I realized my life as I knew it wouldn't be the same ever again. I guess I'm still coming to terms with my life as it is now. I have been working on controlling my dreams. In my dream I want to conquer the Zombies by being the person to come up with the cure to the Zombie problem and restore humankind to a new beginning. I just wish these dreams wouldn't take place in the moments just before waking, leaving me with a feeling of loneliness and depression that lasts for the entire day...especially on dreary rainy gray days like today.

Yesterday was a goodish day. Until the evening anyway when we learned the CERTIFIED ACCOUNTANT who just did our taxes somehow missed the entire provincial portion of our income tax and instead of getting back $4,500 (which would allow us to get both a desperately needed new roof for the house and new tires for me) we are instead getting $350. Oh, wait. We paid this guy$150 to do the taxes in the first place so we're only getting $200 back. Jerk.

Oh and then there's the great news that the landing at our side door isn't supported by well...anything. The previous owners did some interesting home renovations that included cutting out support beams and using 2x4's to support the landing. So er any friends of mine reading this...use the front door until further notice!

Yesterday:

Breakfast
1c Multigrain Cheerios
1c 1% Milk
Small Banana
Black Coffee

Lunch
2 slices Whole Wheat Bread
1 lrg Egg
100 ml Yoptimal Yogurt

Dinner
8 Perogies
1 med Sweet Potato

Snacks
2 Mini Peanut Bliss Bar (frozen oh so GOOD!)
Small Apple
1.5L Crystal Light

I know, I know. I need to get in those vegetables. UGH!

It's the end of the world as I know it. And I feel fine.