Week 7 - A bathtub, a Bag of Chips and an Empty House

When one is over run, a tad bit depressed, tired and sore, what does one do? Spend an evening in the tub with a bag of chips, her cats and then bed.

Brad took James over to the in-laws last night. While there was so much I could have and maybe should have been doing, I chose to instead spend it reading in the bathtub. Oddly, it is exactly what I needed to find my new resolve. Much more relaxed feeling this morning and with a house full of healthy choice foods, I'm ready to take on the new day. I have a plan for tomorrow. The weather is supposed to be mild, if not a little windy...so James and I are going for a walk to the college. We've got nothing better to do. I had a lot of time to think last night too. Maybe I should work on getting my eating under control and focus on just that for a little while rather than try and kill myself outright with the exercise dvds. I came to this conclusion yesterday during the second TMT dvd. There I am, doing my ab workout, tears running down my face. Not tears of pain. Tears of utter frusturation, anger and self loathing that I allowed myself to get to this point. And for this, I wish I were a man. On TV last night there was a movie trailer on with oddly, Lou Farigno (the original Hulk) and he looks just as good as when he was on King of Queens, and I dare say, the Hulk. He never had to stall his life by giving up 9 months to intentially gain weight, lose the shape and size of body he worked hard to maintain, give birth, then try to crawl through the ashes to get back to where he is happy with himself. Men don't understand how hard this is. Their lives get to go on practically uninterrupted and our lives are never the same again. As a disgusting aside, my hoo-hoo feels like it will NEVER be the same again. The watermelon, grape anology remains intact.Here's another interesting though. Clothing sizes. I am able to wear my old Medium sized pajama/lounge pants that I had before I got pregnant. Even the kind with out stretch...while some of my new after pregnancy pants which are large (and yes, some extra large) don't fit quite so well. Last night as I was putting on some of my newer large sized bottoms, I noticed they aren't tight across the bum anymore (hadn't worn them in a few weeks). Clothing sizes however range greatly from one brand to another. Even before this, I was anything from a size 6 - 10 depending on where I got my clothes. How the heck is someone supposed to know their true size? No wonder women have such a squewed image of themselves. Yet again, why I envy men. Go into store, find something that looks like it'll fit. Try it on. Too small. Get next size up. Not freak out. Purchase and leave store never giving it a second thought.