Last night was not a good one. I don't mean eating. I mean sleeping. A sick cranky baby can rip at your heart strings like nothing you've ever known in your life. I never thought me of all people had a maternal bone in my body. Problem is combining that maternal bone with a temper to rival Satan.
I go either way when it comes to my emotions and eating. Depressed I eat. I eat a lot. I'll eat whatever I can find and crave fast food. I'm pretty sure when I am depressed I could eat every single thing on Taco Bell's menu in a single sitting. That's a sexy thing to admit huh? Makes me feel good when I'm eating it. Fast food has a habit of that doesn't it? Builds you up just to let you down in the end. If you haven't seen Super Size me, go out TODAY and rent it. In times of stress however, I tend to drink more (hey now, I mean coffee, pop and water). I forget to eat or just don't feel like it. The month before my wedding was the most stress I have ever felt in my life and I managed to lose 10 pounds and look pretty damn hot for the big day. Of course, that wasn't petty Bride stress. It was life and death stress the kind where I wasn't sure my Mother was going to be alive for the wedding.Having a baby puts unimaginable stress on a marriage. If you have outstanding unresolved issues going into it, they will intensify ten fold after the baby comes. My emotions will sit and stew until finally they come bubbling to the top all at once in a blinding rage and fury as only a red-headed person's temper can. Because I've kept all emotions under rap until finally I can't take it any more, everything that has gone wrong, or pissed me off in the past year comes blurting from my mouth in an unstoppable trirate that goes on an on, diminishing the meaning and effectiveness of how I'm feeling because it is just a rant. That's what happened at one in the morning last night when James had a bad night. Rocking didn't work.. Put him down in his crib, you'da thought I was trying to kill him. Change diaper. He's squirmy and I couldn't get the sleepers back on (how's that for mixed tenses?) all the while husband sleeps though it.Long story short, I'm sick of being "The One". What happens when I get back to work and I'm still "The One".
I know it is bad, but I haven't had anything to eat today. Breakfast actually is as important as "they" say. I had to break from routine this morning so I have an excuse. Took baby to the dr. Not to worry. Just a small cold all will be fine but looks like I'm going to have to miss Mother Goose AGAIN! I'm off to force eat some Cheerios then figure out what a non-hungry person wants for lunch. Have a wicked Charlie Horse like pain in my ankle and heel for the past 6 hours....but will be hobling at aerobics tonight and possibly a little at home yoga need to de-stress.Why can't I go back in time when all that mattered in my life was if Barbie's shoes matched her skirt?
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